Discipling the Elderly

Myths about people with Alzheimer’s or other dementia

“This is not the person I used to know. Their body still looks like them, but their personality, their essential personhood, their soul, is fading away and dying. Eventually there will be nothing left inside. Just an empty, meaningless hulk will remain”

This is not the view we have from Scripture. We know that we are body, soul and spirit. The spirit and the soul do not grow old and disintegrate, but remain fully functional until death, when the spirit returns to God and the soul waits for the resurrection unto eternal life or unto eternal damnation

Perhaps this myth is based on our assumption that the soul and spirit are seated in the brain. God, however, speaks about the heart. When our brain is affected by a disease like Alzheimer’s, we lose our ability to think logically, to recall memories, to reason, plan, analyse and make decisions, which are all “administrative” functions, similar to the ability to walk, work, talk and play.

If a person loses their mechanical ability to walk or talk, they are no less a person than they were before, they just have fewer tools at their disposal.

It is the same with a person who has lost the ability to think, remember, plan, analyse and decide. They are no less a person than they were before – they just have fewer tools at their disposal.

The truth is that they are still the people we used to know, but their bodies and minds are becoming old and slowly disintegrating. Relationships can still flourish, but need to happen more at the level of the soul and the spirit than on the merely physical, something that poets, pastors, artists, musicians and prayer warriors are able to achieve to some extent, but for the rest of us it’s hard going!

Our hope lies in the presence of God’s Holy Spirit, who guides and teaches us in all things.

“When we try to communicate meaningfully with a person with AOD, it is the person with AOD who experiences difficulty in trying to articulate what they mean, and also has difficulty understanding what is being said.”

Think of a child who has a limited vocabulary  -  They say exactly what they think, without stumbling, hesitating or umm-ing or ah-ing. They simply string together the words they have available to convey their meaning. When someone with AOD speaks, the same thing happens, except that often incorrect words are substituted for the intended word, or sentences are blended. The person is convinced that they have communicated clearly. We are the ones who have a problem “translating” their words into something that makes sense to us.

“Spending time with a person with AOD is a total waste of time. As soon as the visit is over, the person will forget that it happened. Why should I bother to visit at all?”

A very important principle comes to light in this attitude, an attitude that causes much discomfort when we discover its root and see it for what it really is in us. Think about it  -  What gives us pleasure? Is it remembering our last restaurant meal and how delicious it was? Is it fantasizing over and re-living a previous time of physical intimacy? Is it poring over photographs in an album, again enjoying the thrill of adventure, the scenic beauty of a landscape, the friendships of our youth, the “good old days”?

Or do we find pleasure in the moment, serving, ministering, studying, teaching, creating, risking, solving, examining, thinking, delighting in the present situation and being who Jesus would be?

What is the difference between a meal made with love and a takeaway? What is the difference between a one night stand and the delightful intimacy of a covenanted love relationship? What is the difference between plugging in a CD and standing around a piano and singing together? What is the difference between the visit of a caring, loving friend and that of a paid, detached “caregiver”?

A relationship or an experience devoid of love satisfies the physical desires for a short while, but leaves no bonding, no growth, no sense of security, of belonging, of identity or of purpose. A visit to a person with AOD may seem to achieve nothing, but when it is awash in love, both visitor and the one visited know that something significant, something nurturing, something of life and vitality and joy has been forged that has eternity in it. It isn’t generally recognised, perhaps because we need God’s eyes to see it.

The significance of a visit is not in our ability to remember it, and to reminisce on what fun it was. It is the bonding, the glow and the sense of God’s presence that remains unfaded.

“Spending time with a person with AOD is a time in which the visitor gives, and the person with AOD receives. Receives comfort, assurance and the opportunity to state needs that should be taken care of.”

The person being visited does receive these things, but the visitor receives more! The visitor can learn heaps about patience, vulnerability and openness, politeness, a lack of prejudice about race, gender, social status or anything else -  about guilelessness, trust, friendliness and honesty about emotions. If you visit a person with this condition, you need to be teachable and humble enough to accept that the person has a wealth of experience and wisdom to share if you just listen well.
A Spiritual Ministry to People with Alzheimer’s or Other Dementia

Our Call: To communicate that:

Every person is justly condemned to eternal damnation because of his or her own sinful nature and behaviour

Because God is love, He has made a way for every person to enter the kingdom of heaven, and His Son, Jesus is that Way: -

          Jesus died on the cross to pay the penalty for my sin.

He rose from the dead on the third day so that I might receive the reward for His perfect life, and to show with power that He is the Son of God.

He returned to heaven to prepare an eternal dwelling place for me, in the presence of God.

These benefits, purchased with His own blood, are offered to me as a free gift, received by faith.

The Opportunity: To recognise that many obstacles to the gospel have been taken away by this mental condition.

Reliance on wealth, status and health has, for the most part, become irrelevant. Intellectual arguments against the existence of God are no longer raised. Procrastination doesn’t occur to people who live for the moment.

Pretence, deceit and wearing masks are no longer characteristic of these people.

They are not as bound by social conventions as they once were. They talk straight.

They can easily recognise sincerity and truth in others.

Their ability to suppress negative or positive feelings such as unforgiveness, bitterness, fear, anger, confusion, hatred, worry, insecurity, love, joy, delight is diminished, which makes it so much easier to recognise what they need, to establish security and a sense of belonging

This means that some of the walls which the devil erects around people’s hearts have been broken down, and the truth can find entry

The Challenge: To develop or improve methods of communication that can convey the truths of the gospel – methods that are not dependent on cognitive ability and the ability to reason, analyse and reach logical conclusions.

1. To help people understand Grace – that heaven is a free gift: Grace can also be described as unconditional, undeserved love. We can tell people without words that they are loved unconditionally when we serve them joyfully, no matter how they look, smell or behave, and with total disregard for their race, gender, culture, national origin, marital status, wealth, state of health or anything other thing.

2. To help people understand that we are all sinners:

This is to quickly and freely admit to our own failings and ask for forgiveness. By this they will understand that we do not glory in our own righteousness, but consistently turn to the healing of repentance to regain cleansing.

This is to be like Christ in showing no favouritism, when praising or gently rebuking. By this we show that everyone makes mistakes and needs help to stay on track.

3.1. To help people understand that God loves us:

This is to role model a life of gratitude for all that God does for us. There is never any need to complain about the weather, the food, our health, and our losses or about other people. Always talk about the silver lining, the positive outlook, counting our blessings, until it becomes second nature and we glorify God and His infinite mercy to us all.

3.2. To help people understand that God is just and must punish sin:

Every person seems to have an inherent sense of justice, a sense that there are inescapable consequences for wrongdoing. The Holy Spirit convicts every person of sin, righteousness and judgement, and the fact that we all have consciences shows that we understand this principle. When discussing news and views, we must be careful to reinforce this, and not allow the current trend of tolerance of absolutely anything to influence us, or the idea that imprisonment is primarily there for rehabilitation rather than for punishment. In every situation that calls for rebuke, for repentance or restitution, be merciful and respectful and consistent

4. To help people understand that Jesus died in our place – the Divine Exchange:

Look for opportunities to model a sacrificial life. Always consider others better than yourself. This is easy to say, but difficult to apply in a situation where people’s physical, emotional, mental or spiritual state is patently not better than yourself. Whenever you have a choice that will disadvantage you and be to another’s advantage – in terms of time, dignity, convenience, comfort, pain, rest, nutrition, anything, choose that which will benefit the other person – that’s what Jesus did for you.

5. To help people understand that the free gift of eternal life is received by faith:

Model faithfulness, being trustworthy. Keep promises. Fulfil people’s needs, whether reasonable or not. They are usually totally dependent on you for everything, the way we are all totally dependent on God for life and for salvation. Make it easy for them to recognise the image of God in you, by your generosity and sincere care.

When a person has learned to trust another person, it is easier to learn to trust in God. – Would you agree with this statement?

In living a life of service to people, remember to speak Scripture into every situation. God’s Word is powerful and effective.

It is important to pray without ceasing – out loud at mealtimes and bedtimes, and quietly continually, asking the Holy Spirit to bless and prosper you work. Get as many prayer partners as you can to support you.

Paul Toschi